This is because I know that this sort of sick shit is going down wayyy more often than we'd like to even consider. I'm surprised that this actually made the news.
http://news.aol.com/article/gregory-jacobs-organs/384479
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
conclusions/realizations
So I've been struggling a lot with figuring out what to do with my life as far as "career" goes. I had been feeling as if I was a loser if a "career" wasn't something that I was working towards or even had already. I was really just allowing the horrible expectations of this false perception of life get to me and forgot all about what I really believe in.
As far as a career goes, I am not interested in one. It is something that has been made up by society to prove that one is a well adjusted human being. But really that has nothing to do with being human. Money or status as far as society is concerned means nothing to me. My worth as a person is no less than the next persons based on the job that I hold or how much fake worthless paper money I have.
As I do know, even if I hate the idea of money and what it stands for I still need to have it to be able to get by. But I'm not going to be a slave to it. I'm not going to live for my job/career. That is not what life is about for me. It is about what kind of person I am and the lives that I touch in a positive way. Life is about love and beauty not money and power. They are principles which I am not willing to compromise and I cannot live happily in this life if I do anything otherwise.
Therefor I'm not going to continue to feel bad about myself because I don't have an established career or lots of money. I'm going to do what I need to, to fulfill my basic needs and concentrate on doing what I can to make myself happy and make the world a better place. After all, it is my choice that I do not want a career. Of course I could go and get one and be all high and mighty and feel established and base my happiness off of empty accomplishments and meaningless things. But that is not my life. I live to be happy and to love and to spread both of those things. I live to fight back against the evil forces in control of our world. I live to see the real beauty in this world. I don't see how anything could be more important than that.
As far as a career goes, I am not interested in one. It is something that has been made up by society to prove that one is a well adjusted human being. But really that has nothing to do with being human. Money or status as far as society is concerned means nothing to me. My worth as a person is no less than the next persons based on the job that I hold or how much fake worthless paper money I have.
As I do know, even if I hate the idea of money and what it stands for I still need to have it to be able to get by. But I'm not going to be a slave to it. I'm not going to live for my job/career. That is not what life is about for me. It is about what kind of person I am and the lives that I touch in a positive way. Life is about love and beauty not money and power. They are principles which I am not willing to compromise and I cannot live happily in this life if I do anything otherwise.
Therefor I'm not going to continue to feel bad about myself because I don't have an established career or lots of money. I'm going to do what I need to, to fulfill my basic needs and concentrate on doing what I can to make myself happy and make the world a better place. After all, it is my choice that I do not want a career. Of course I could go and get one and be all high and mighty and feel established and base my happiness off of empty accomplishments and meaningless things. But that is not my life. I live to be happy and to love and to spread both of those things. I live to fight back against the evil forces in control of our world. I live to see the real beauty in this world. I don't see how anything could be more important than that.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Feelings helpless/hopeless..
I obviously haven't updated my blog in a while. I've been having some trouble with depression and haven't felt motivated in quite a while. It has been getting better lately but my bad days still outweigh my good.
I just feel like everything is so much bigger than me. Like nothing I do is going to ever really matter in the whole scheme of things. I'm stuck in this system that I cannot ever accept and I'm supposed to work within it and make a life?! I'm having the worst time trying to do that.
I feel like it is designed to hold people down and to keep them there. It's purpose is to destroy people to benefit very few others. To tell you the truth I just don't know what to do. I felt so motivated and then got so overwhelmed by how completely messed up and flawed the system is and just gave up. How can I work to make things better for this world within a flawed system? It would be senseless.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm being completely realistic or if maybe I'm not being optimistic enough. I just think there is no point to optimism if the reality of the situation says otherwise.
So what do I do? Do I continue to struggle never to get ahead within this failed system? What kills me inside is that I know that the world doesn't have to be this way and that we have the resources we need for it to be better but it is not going to happen. The people that are in control in this world do not care. They do not care about me or you.
There is no working within a flawed system to make things better. The best thing I can think of to do is to encourage the system to crash and burn so that the opportunity for a better world can then be worked towards.
I just don't know what to do with myself in the meantime. I'm drowning in student loan debt from a college education that means nothing. I am not able to get by on my own. When is enough going to be enough?
I know I'm not the only one out there that is in this situation.
I just feel like everything is so much bigger than me. Like nothing I do is going to ever really matter in the whole scheme of things. I'm stuck in this system that I cannot ever accept and I'm supposed to work within it and make a life?! I'm having the worst time trying to do that.
I feel like it is designed to hold people down and to keep them there. It's purpose is to destroy people to benefit very few others. To tell you the truth I just don't know what to do. I felt so motivated and then got so overwhelmed by how completely messed up and flawed the system is and just gave up. How can I work to make things better for this world within a flawed system? It would be senseless.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm being completely realistic or if maybe I'm not being optimistic enough. I just think there is no point to optimism if the reality of the situation says otherwise.
So what do I do? Do I continue to struggle never to get ahead within this failed system? What kills me inside is that I know that the world doesn't have to be this way and that we have the resources we need for it to be better but it is not going to happen. The people that are in control in this world do not care. They do not care about me or you.
There is no working within a flawed system to make things better. The best thing I can think of to do is to encourage the system to crash and burn so that the opportunity for a better world can then be worked towards.
I just don't know what to do with myself in the meantime. I'm drowning in student loan debt from a college education that means nothing. I am not able to get by on my own. When is enough going to be enough?
I know I'm not the only one out there that is in this situation.
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